Anxiety can manifest in many ways, some more obvious then others. Anxiety is not ‘just a phase’ or any other kind of crap illiterate people tend to throw at us. Anxiety is a real mental illness that can and does destroy lives.
Anxiety can be described as that feeling when you’re walking down the stairs and you miss a step and your heart sinks. Only, the feeling doesn’t go away. Or, the feeling of being submerged under water and not being able to reach the surface while your lungs fill with water and you struggle for breath. Anxiety is an abusive partner latching onto your shoulder, criticising everything you do, tearing you down inch by inch until finally, you start analysing your every word and movement.
For a lot of people, when they hear the word ‘anxiety’ they associate it with feeling ‘a bit nervous’. I mean, how many times have you had somebody say to you “Oooh, we all get a bit nervous, you know for job interviews and things, it’s only natural.” Which is completely different to what anxiety really is. It’s not just a case of “cheer up” or “don’t let it get to you” because although you may feel like you’re sending us positive vibes, what you’re actually doing is belittling the severity of our condition. If it was as simple as just “cheering up”, the mental health rate would not be so high. We don’t choose to suffer.
There are so many forms that anxiety can take that sometimes it’s hard to establish a line between what’s normal emotion and what is apart of the anxiety disorder.
Anxiety can change your perception of the world and make you do things that other people wouldn’t. Things such as not wanting to walk into a store first, memorising conversations before actually having them, feeling that gut wrenching knot in your stomach when a friend leaves you on read and spending the next hour rattling your brain, trying to fathom what on earth you could have said to make them hate you. It’s avoiding social events and even cancelling important appointments, whether it be a counselling session or a dental appointment, because your mind tells you that something bad will happen.
Anxiety is needing constant reassurance from friends and family. It’s not being able to maintain relationships because you can’t stick to plans and they quickly become frustrated, thinking you’re unreliable. It’s apologising repeatedly for things you didn’t do, because your brain convinces you that it is your fault. Anxiety is not being able to leave your home and isolating yourself even further. It’s not being able to do everyday tasks like going to school or work or even going to the store for milk.
Anxiety is living in fear that everyone is judging you. It’s pretending to be on your phone when you’re in public so people don’t think you’re lonely and laugh at you.
Physical symptoms such as sweating, nausea, shaking, stammering, headaches, numbness, rapid heart rate and panic attacks are just some of the very few forms of anxiety that we face everyday. It’s having a disruptive sleeping pattern and having poor eating habits. It’s erratic mood swings and the inability to control your own thoughts. I think it’s also important to include memory loss, because it doesn’t get talked about enough. A Mental illness can have a huge impact on your memory, making you forget things more easily, meaning restoring new information can be tricky.
Not everybody will experience all of these symptoms, because everyone is affected by their illness differently. Some people might be able to hold down a job or attend college five days a week. Some might only be able to attend therapy once a week. Some people might be loud and confident, while others will be quiet and withdrawn. It’s easy to compare yourself to other people when you have a mental illness and social media plays a big part in triggering this feeling of failure and I will be writing a blog about this in upcoming weeks.
It’s important to remember that everybody is on their own journey and you are doing more than enough.
If you would like more information on your mental health or need someone to talk to, feel free to check out https://www.mind.org.uk
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